what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
