fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
