can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
