I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
