i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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