I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
whose parrot is this?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
