u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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