Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
