I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
