I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
