Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
