I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
