Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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