When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
