nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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