...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
