I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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