You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
