Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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