She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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