I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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