Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
