You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
