yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
