I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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