I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
