roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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