Can Purell be used as lube?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
