I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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