Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
