we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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