I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
