you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
