is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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