Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
