Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Drunk is not a location!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
