don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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