my being single is dangerous.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
