There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
