His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
