Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
