she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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