I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
