Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
