So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
