at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I would ride that face into the sunset
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
