why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
