If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
