im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
