is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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