omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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