His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
